07-28-05 Out looking for work.

Well today I decided to "get busy", and seriously look for work. I have put a couple of applications in, but have not heard back from them. So I decided to go to a Temp agency. And after 4 hours of filling out forms,being interviewed, tested on manual dexterity (putting little pins into holes 3 at a time), and going through an hour long orientation on the rules and procedures of working for them, I was set up with an interview with a small company in town that makes fiber optic signs and displays. I know this company has been around since I moved here in '94. That's because I've driven past it a hundred times. And, I wondered what they made there. Now I know. The job starts at a whopping $8.00 per hour, but the lady at the temp service said that if they keep you they pay well. Hope that's true. Well, the interview went well, the job would involve lots of stuff I enjoy doing. Using drills, saws, and other hand tools. Learning how to put together the componets of these signs and displays. It wouldn't be just a production job where you would have constant repetition all day long. I'd be learning new stuff all the time. And it's a small enough company (10-12 employees) that I wouldn't be just another drone. I go in on Monday to take a couple of tests, they will have me drill some holes, and probably have me put something together with a screwdriver. Probably just to see if I can follow simple instructions, and determine whether or not I'm a idiot. In all likelihood, I'll be working for his company next week. Hey, it's a start!
I've got to admit, at my age looking for a job, being interviewed, and scrutinized, is very stressful. I do not like the feeling. But I know landing a job, even a low paying one, will boost my self esteem. And as everyone knows, finding a better job is always easier, if you already have one! Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I also want to thank everyone for their comments, they let me know your checking in, and make me feel good too!


This is a view from my kitchen window, so when I'm doing the dishes (rarely), this is what I see. (Click on it, it get's bigger)

Hope to be posting good news on the job front in the next couple of days!
My love to all. Bob.

07-21-05 I Have returned!

I left the L.A. area on Monday night about 10 pm. I decided it would be better to drive at night than deal with the heat that I experienced on the way down. I was right, it was so much more comfortable. I guess I should get the air-conditioning fixed on my car.

But comfortable or not, 12 hours of driving is a serious drag. And the gas prices an insult! I know, blame it on Bush.(if it makes you feel any better).

I was happy to see so many people at my Brother John's memorial Mass. And I'm very grateful to those that drove so far to pay their respects to John's memory.
Uncle Tom (Toby) and his son Abraham (Abie), from the Bay Area. Cousin's Janet & Fred,(Orange County), Sister Cheryl (San Fernando Valley) Uncle Roger & Aunt MaryAnn (also San Fernando Valley). Brother Stan & Jodi (Las Vegas). And to everyone that was there, my heartfelt thanks.

As I said in a previous post, the last time I saw John was not a pleasant visit, but that said, we were brothers.
In our past, we have had many knock down, drag out fights. We Have exchanged harsh words, (putting it mildly). And had many differences of opinion, on many subjects. We didn't see eye to eye on anything I can think of. But we were Brothers. I loved him, he loved me.
I know there was never a question about that in my, or his mind.

John had a tumultuous life, he had to battle his demons for a long time. But he did overcome that part of his life. He overcame, and he worked toward what he wanted from life, a home, a family.
He was able to accomplish both. I just wish that he could have lived long enough to see his children become adults. But of course, every parent hopes to live long enough to see their children grow up.

I believe John, like the rest of us, did the best he could, under his circumstances, to be the best he could be. He died too soon, too young!
I don't know if he had things he wanted to accomplish that he didn't get to. I hope not.
But, for us, the still living, the message is clear. Don't wait. Get what you want to accomplish done, then when you gotta go, you can go knowing you didn't leave with unfinished business.

I'm ready, without notice, to go. I don't want to go, I love life, There are still lots of things I'd like to do. But none that would make me feel like I missed out. I'm still interested in what may happen, what can happen.
I think the trip is fascinating, who cares about the destination.

Even when I think back to the times I thought were the worst, I feel blessed to have experienced those times. A broken heart, how wonderful that I could love enough to hurt that much.
Depression, very bad feeling, and hard to get thru. But I wouldn't be me without experiencing that feeling.
Self doubt, another tough one, again, wouldn't be who I am today without going through it.
The pain, self doubt, angst, depression, fear, are all part of who I am. It would have been a pretty dull life without them.
How can you know what joy really feels like, if you haven't felt despair? I don't think you can.

I have a lot to be thankful for. And believe me I am.

07-13-05 Heading South!

I'm going to drive back down to Ca. tomorrow morning. My Brother's memorial service is on Saturday. I will use this sad occasion to tell family and friend's how much I love them. You never know if you will have the opportunity again! When my Uncle Gary was dying, I was fortunate enough to visit him the day before he died. I was able to tell him how glad I was to have known him, and that he had made a difference in my life. I will always remember his response to me. He said "ditto".

07-11-05 Sad News Today

Got the sad news today that my younger brother, Johnny Ray McDowell passed away. He turned 55 in March. He died of liver disease. He leaves behind his wife Meredith, his Son, Sean (10), and Daughter, Malia (8).
Sadness weighs heavy on my heart, especially because our last time together wasn't particulary friendly. But I know he knew that I loved him. And I know he loved me. We were brothers. Rest in peace John.

07-10-05 Hey, a new post!

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, if you've been checking in, sorry for my procrastination.
June was a very busy month, it started with me spending 10 days visiting family in Michigan (Detroit area). My sister Cheryl was able to make the trip also, and since I don't get to see her very often it made the visit better yet.
I was able this year to spend more time with my brother Danny and his family, and it was so great to get to know them better, my sis-in law Sharon, niece Amanda (13), and nephew Nick (11), what a great time I had with them, all I can say is that I wish we didn't live so far apart!

Cheryl and I



Me, Dad, and Butch


Danny, Sharon, and Me




Amanda and Nick

I was also able to reconnect with my cousin Butch (hadn't seen him since 1980) and his lovely wife Mary.
Luckily, Dad's health has been stable. My wonderful Step-mom, Marge (Dad's wife of almost 50 years) takes very good care of him. I hope I'll be able to be there when they celebrate their 50th anniversary!
The trip was great, and I can't express the love I feel for my Michigan family adequately with words. Nuff said.
I arrived back in Vegas just before midnight on the 13th, the next day began packing my belongings for my move back to Oregon. In a few days I was ready to go, Said my goodbyes to brother Stan and sis-in-law Jodi, they have been so good to me, I hope they know how much I love them.
I headed down to Calif to spend Father's Day weekend with my Boy's, Grandkids, Mom, and Chu Cha. I am blessed (really) with a fantastic daughter-in-law, Angie. And my X's, by that I mean my pre divorce family, Cathy (x wife) and all my in-laws, I am blessed because I didn't lose them in the divorce (28 or so years ago), it is wonderful that even though Cathy and I couldn't stay together, our marriage created a family that is still a family!
I headed out from So. Calif. with my car loaded to the roof, pulling my small trailer with my Honda on it, taking it slow, and hoping for no car troubles. Made it to my house in a little over 14 hours, arrived early evening of the 21st.
I hadn't been to my house in 8 months, and the weeds had tried to take the place over, so the next day's activities would include some serious weed whacking. And unpacking.


Before and after





In the last couple of weeks I've been doing things like going to the DMV to change over my license, title and registration on the car and bike, getting set up for internet, getting trash service started, hauling off the yard clippings to the dump, etc.,etc. And of course, visiting with my Oregon family.
Cousin's Jim and Sandi had a 4th of July Bar-B-Q at their place, the whole family was there. We all ate too much then played volley ball, I'm still sore from that. It was a great day.



The Oregon Family

Monday I will seriously start looking for work (not that I want to), got to get some money flowing in, instead of just out!
I will also try to keep up on my posts in a more timely manner.
Bob.